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Twatzapalooza

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Everything you want to know about games you will never play.

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I give up trying to record games. I’m thinking just audio and pictures now.

TF2 makes me sound terrible.

I know I’ve been lacking posts here, but I slept for 10 hours last night. Things are going to change. Today my goal is to play 3 games and do 3 reviews.

Two of those games may be fairly odd though.

Anonymous said: Have you ever had sex with a horse?

No, but a horse once tried to rape me.

tumblrbot said: ROBOTS OR DINOSAURS?

MvM.



I was gifted this game last night. I checked the store page, and I thought it looked amazing. Horse slaves!



After about 3 hours of constantly grooming, training (you press the arrow keys at certain times to do jumps and shit), doing menial tasks for a pitiful amount of money, and trying to breed better and better horsies, I gave up.

The game was relaxing at first. The music was nice. There’s ambient sounds everywhere. Some of the horsies are pretty cool looking.

(This is the training area)

I think the only way to actually win this game is to finally get a highly trained, level 5 horse. The only way to do this is play for hours and hours and breed each of your horses very carefully. You have to breed same levels horses to get a higher level horse. This is no easy feat as each horse can only breed once.

Apparently this game was made in China.

You then have to train each horse to their max level, increase their stats with expensive items, and then repeat it all over again. It’s pretty much a cute pyramid scheme.

All I really wanted was to make a fucking amazing horse that won every race and made me filthy rich. Is that too much to ask?

Apparently so.

I don’t want to completely knock this game. I think younger kids would like it. I’m just used to much faster paced FPS and RPG games.

They put some work into making the game pretty, the controls are super easy, and I swear the music sounds familiar.

The game is $5 on Steam, so maybe you should just try breeding a flaming horsie yourself.

Or even the mystical blue horse that reminds me of a dream I had long ago.